What If. 

Since my earliest recollections, those two words have echoed relentlessly in my mind. Even as a five-year-old, when nightfall arrived, I would find myself lying wide awake in bed, paralyzed by dreadful fear. I would impulsively cross the hallway and seek comfort between my parents, clutching their hands with a vice-like grip, determined not to be torn away from their protective embrace. 

As I matured, the intensity of my grip remained, though it was directed toward different aspects. It stopped being about grasping my parents' hands and shifted toward an insatiable desire for control.  

In the past few years, I have undergone significant growth through God's guidance, specifically in identifying my thoughts and relinquishing control. I have come to realize that my misguided belief in maintaining absolute control does not offer true security, but rather keeps me trapped in chains of bondage. God has been graciously unveiling this truth to me. 

Below are three transformative ways through which God has been redeeming my thought life: 

1. I have prayed for God to reveal my unhealthy thoughts. 

It came as a surprise to me just how many untrue things I had been telling myself. I had to pause and examine my thoughts through a “thought inventory”. One was “What if I lost all of my friends?”, I would then feel compelled to constantly please others and mold myself into their expectations. Another was “What if I lose a loved one?”, so I would distance myself emotionally, preventing others from getting close enough to inflict pain. During this inventory, I discovered an abundance of thoughts that had become so ingrained in me that I couldn’t see they were false. 

Here are a few practical approaches I used: 

• Journaling or using a notes app: I found it helpful to track my thoughts by jotting them down in a journal or using the notes app on my phone. Specifically, when I noticed my body becoming restless or unsettled, I would pause and inquire, "What am I currently thinking about?" 

• Seeking input from others: I also found value in asking those around me, especially those closest to me, what phrases or ideas I frequently express. Often, those who are close to us can perceive patterns or beliefs that we may overlook. This approach proved to be an effective way to start identifying the thoughts and lies that were shaping my perspective. 

• Collaboration with a counselor: Working closely with my counselor, we created a comprehensive list of the areas that triggered anxiety within me. The list turned out to be quite extensive. However, we then sought out recurring themes among the entries. One prevalent theme that emerged in various forms was the feeling of being trapped. Now, whenever I experience this feeling, I acknowledge it and proceed with the next two steps. 

2. I Began to daily confess the lies. 

Confessing can be a challenging task. If you're anything like me, the tendency to justify my actions comes naturally. However, God has been revealing to me the true effectiveness and power of confession. Each morning, I dedicate time to prayer, meditating on a few verses, and then allowing moments of stillness for Him to remind me of areas where I can confess my thoughts and words. Witnessing the profound impact of this practice has been truly remarkable. Every morning, I find myself confronted with numerous things to confess—whether they are thoughts about others or self-critical ones. It could also be the tone I used while communicating with a coworker or my spouse. Often, these thoughts lingered for far too long, causing a tangible effect on my entire body. However, as I confess these thoughts or attempts at control, I surrender them to God. The incredible result is that I've become increasingly aware, catching myself before speaking and promptly recognizing the lies I've been entertaining. 

Here are some of the primary Bible verses I turn to when engaging in the act of confession: 

Psalm 139:23-24

"Search me, God, and know my heart; 

    test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

See if there is any offensive way in me, 

    and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 19:14

"May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart 

    be pleasing in your sight, 

    Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Prayer: 

Lately, I have adopted a prayer that our District Superintendent, Rev. Jeff Brown, recites daily and encourages us to do the same: "God, make the smallest sin in my life the biggest deal in my life.” 

3. Ask God to replace the lies with His truth. 

The initial steps serve as crucial building blocks leading to this pivotal stage. This step holds tremendous significance. It goes beyond merely instructing myself to “stop worrying” and emphasizes the essential need to replace those anxious lies with God's truth. During my recent counseling sessions, my counselor and I addressed numerous anxious thoughts. At each thought, we intentionally paused and asked the question “what is the truth?” We then replaced the lies with God’s truth by actively affirming and declaring His truth over the lies. I would read the lies and the truth out loud, reminding myself of who I am in Christ and the reality of His love, grace, and forgiveness.  

Having a faith-filled community around me to support me is also essential. I seek accountability and surround myself with a supportive community who can help reinforce God’s truth in my life. This is why I believe small group ministry is so essential. Together, I share struggles and victories, and invite others to pray with me and speak God’s truth into my circumstances.  

Here are a few pivotal Bible verses that have played a significant role in helping me replace lies with God’s truth: 

2 Corinthians 10:5

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Philippians 4:8-9

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

I am continuously growing and learning in my journey of asking God to reveal my thoughts, confessing the lies, and replacing them with His truth. Although I acknowledge that I have a long way to go, I also celebrate how far I have come through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

My encouragement is to always remember that the process of replacing lies with God's truth is ongoing. Continuously seek his guidance, stay connected to His word, and rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to transform your thinking and renew your mind. 

Note from the Editor: Our theme for May is testimonies! We've all gone through difficult life situations and have seen God work in amazing ways. Let's talk about and celebrate the way God brings beauty out of trials!