I always knew my heart was desperate for love, but I didn’t know how deeply, until I was gasping through a panic attack at the mere suggestion of having to break up. We had become co-dependent, emotionally enmeshed in the relationship to unhealthy levels, and I was feeling the painful consequences. This is not a gossip column, nor should any of our conversations be. Rather, this article is a testament to how God heals, grants forgiveness, and resurrects our hearts back to life, and that applies to all the heartache we feel in life, not just breakups. 

So how does one heal? 

1. Make space for the pain. 

In the Bible, this is called lament and there are entire chapters and books devoted to it. It is a place to bring our pain to God. Not surprisingly, we tend to avoid those sections of the Bible. Who wants to sit in that? It’s so much easier to numb the pain with food, exercise, Netflix, flirting, Church service, productivity, alcohol, shopping, ...just to name a few of the idols we run to. 

But God asks that we bring our whole hearts to Him. And the more we do, the more we see how gentle He is. Yes, life happens, but He is there to hold us. However, creating space for Him often means we must let go of those numbing habits and let Him see how we’re really doing. 

2. Fostering forgiveness 

How do we forgive ourselves? Like a good parent, God lets us learn through the consequences of our choices, but He does not leave us alone in them. Where there is guilt, let us confess and nail it to the cross. Where there is shame, let us put it in His nail-pierced hands. Over and over again, every time we feel it by repeating the truth that Jesus already took it.  

How do we forgive others? We pray for them. It took a long while for me to wish good for my ex and my first prayers for him were some of the snarkiest remarks to God I have ever prayed. However, submitting that anger to God changes our hearts. Be honest with Him, and, eventually, He will give you the space to release them in His forgiveness. 

3. The slow, beautiful healing 

It was during this time of healing that I discovered Hosea 6:1-3:  

“’Come, let us return to the LORD; for He has torn us that He may heal us; He has struck us down, and He will bind us up. After two days He will revive us; on the third day He will raise us up, that we may live before Him. Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; His going out is as sure as the dawn; He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth.’” 

But wait... does that mean God did bring the pain? Great question. Throughout life, and especially in suffering, God is healing our hearts in the deepest way possible: removing our sin. He proves that He is the One who fulfills us, not anything in this world. I was in pain because I was trusting in romance to make me feel whole, rather than Him. In a situation that felt like death, God was letting that idol in me die to make way for new life. 

We serve the God of the resurrection. The one who is willing to be broken in order to have fellowship with us. Because I love and am loved by a God like this, my heart has grown, not in spite of heartbreak, but through it. 

*Author’s note: While most paths of healing can use these principles, if you have experienced trauma, I ask that you contact a Christian counselor to talk through it with. Trauma affects the brain and body more deeply than it can handle, and thus needs extra care in healing.