I grew up reading the comic strip "Peanuts", and one of the characters often exclaimed in times of frustration, “Good grief, Charlie Brown, good grief!” The term “good grief” at first seems like an oxymoron. Can there be something good about grief? Most of us think not. 

Paul Brandt in his book, Fearfully and Wonderfully Made, talks about the gift of pain. He illustrates this idea from his experience of working with lepers. While there are destructive elements to the disease itself, Brandt points out that most of the bodily damage that lepers suffer happens because their extremities deadened. With no pain to warn them, lepers unknowingly destroy their fingers and toes with continual bruises and burns. Dr. Brandt then goes on to point out that pain is a gift from God to bring attention to what needs to be healed.

In much the same way, grief is one of God’s gifts to drive us into His arms for healing in our loss. The Old Testament book of Lamentations, attributed to Jeremiah, offers us a place to stand so that we can view the landscape of grief. Jeremiah is said to have written this as he watched his city, Jerusalem, burn to the ground and his people carried off into Babylonian exile.  

I lost my mom this year, and as I was going through papers, I found some notes from my former pastor, Paul Bubna, about Lamentations and sorrow. He was grieving the loss of his wife, Jeannie. His observations encouraged me. Below are some of his insights. 

1. Grief Takes Time To Heal, But Time Itself Does Not Heal.  
The pain of great loss does not go away with the passing of time. Loss is the kind of pain that when suppressed, wreaks havoc in the inner person. It is not time that heals, rather it is the process of grieving that heals if we allow it to do its work. The book of Lamentations, found in Jewish and Christian Scripture, reminds us of this truth. 

2. Grief Can Be Powerful.
The magnitude of grief is measured by the dimension of the loss. Shock, overwhelming emotion, depression, loneliness, physical distress, panic, resentment, guilt, anger, inability to function ~ these are all expressed in the book of Lamentations and are common experiences we can have in the face of great loss. Reading through Lamentations validates our varied and intense feelings of grief. 

3. Grief Begins Its Work in Expression.
In a sense, grief is a work that we do. And it begins by expressing our feelings, as messy as that can be. The most helpful thing we can do for a friend in grief is to simply be there and say little. And then give them the opportunity to tell their story. The book of Lamentations is a way the Jews have been expressing their loss and telling their story for over two millennia.

4. Grief Involves Letting Go and Starting Over.
Why is grief such a vital part of life? Part of the answer is that it enables us to let go. When we define our pain, when we express our grief, we are opening our hearts to let go and to accept what is. When that part of the work is done, then the door opens for us to begin anew. Not everyone moves at the same pace. Letting go can be more difficult than we could ever imagine. It takes time and understanding. But the way forward is with hope. 

How does the book of Lamentations give us hope?

~Allowing God to be God.
Everyone asks the “why” questions. We want to have a good reason and we often speculate, but only God can settle that question. Our culture tends to prefer impersonal explanations like “fate” or “chance.” Jeremiah was not afraid to name God as the perpetrator of the suffering. God does not always cause calamity, but He is sovereign over all. Lamentations Chapter 3 is a powerful passage to use in order to speak of our sorrow and trace our sorrow back to the sovereignty of God. The weeping prophet was not afraid to call out God. Why? Because he knew mercy and grace were ahead. 

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. (Lam. 3:22-23) (Psalm 30:5)

~Acknowledge God’s Goodness.
Tragic loss is never good in the short run, but because God is God, it can be good in the long run.

“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him. It is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. … For men are not cast off by the Lord forever, though he brings grief, He will show compassion so great is his unfailing love. For He does not willingly bring  affliction or grief to the children of men.”
(Lam. 3: 25-27 and 31-33)

Someday when we see the whole picture as He does, it will be clear. Our questions will be answered, and we can see the good. But it will be awhile before feelings and circumstances align with belief. Meanwhile, we have a choice- to believe in God’s ultimate goodness. That is where my grief needs to lead me. 

~Appropriate God’s fullness
A key phrase in Lamentations is “I say to myself, The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him” (Lam. 3:24). Many believers who have suffered profound losses say that in their pain they have experienced depths of God’s love that they could not have known otherwise. God’s presence gave great comfort. This gives us hope. God is willing to prove He is enough. 

Pastor Bubna’s final thoughts on grief acknowledge that he didn’t expect the pain of grief to ever be totally gone. It’s a daily journey with bumps and detours and even roadblocks. However, he believed that if we allow grief to do its work, it can drive us into the arms of God. And then, this pain can even become part of God’s grace in our  life. 

May we, together along with Pastor Bubna, and with Jeremiah, affirm in our grief, “God is my portion.”

 ~ adapted from Paul Bubna’s (1932-1998) thoughts on grief