We want to be where we belong. As a single woman, I have been tempted to believe I could only feel this once I’m married and have a biological family around me, but what if I believed the truth of what God says about family instead? 

Marriage and family can be wonderful places of belonging, but they will never be enough on their own; they point us to a much deeper, more satisfying reality. 

1.  The Truth:  

This is the part of the article where you would expect me to say that Jesus is the answer, but you’re only partially right. Saying “Jesus is enough” can often sound the same as “I know I should love Jesus more than having my needs filled, so I’ll just numb that part of my heart and keep going to church”. Jesus is the answer and spending time with Him is essential, but He meant for us to be both one with Him and one with His body, to experience intimate love with both Him and His Church. 

In John 17, Jesus prays “The glory that you [God the Father] have given me I have given to them [all believers], that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me” (ESV, vs. 22-23). 

Jesus is and is becoming one with us, yes, but along with each other – not on our own. He has adopted us into His family and in Him we belong... together. 

Then why do we still feel so alone? Because this is difficult. And awkward. To belong is to be known... even the parts of us that we don’t want anyone else to know. 

2.  How do we do this? 

Reality is that we need more connection than what our biological family can supply; we need the family of God, an extensive community of people who know our name and our lives. This is a supernatural bond that even death will not part. If you want more guidance than this list, I recommend reading the book Find your People by Jenny Allen, but here are a few ideas to get you started! 

• Say hi to the people who sit around you at church. Ask what their names are and how long they’ve been coming to the church. You never know what connections you’ll discover! 
• Find a ministry where you would love to serve. If you have kids, find one where you can bring them along. Children are not a distraction, but rather are the best conversation starters! 
• Join a Bible study or Mini-church, but instead of simply attending, be fully yourself with the people there. Let your geeky/quirky/nerdy side of you show and see who connects with you! 
• When possible, come early, stay late, or make excuses to do things together. It isn’t always about making more time in your busy schedule, but about being present with whoever you are around. 
• If you are a table leader or ministry leader, provide opportunities at the beginning of a discussion or training to help people connect, such as playing a game or asking a “get to know you” question.  
• Have a meal with people. It could just be pizza while watching a Packers game, so don’t overthink it. 
• Ask questions. No, don’t start off with the super deep stuff but see if you can find a topic that makes the other person light up. 
• Listen well. As much as possible, make eye contact and think of a follow-up question for the conversation. 

However, you must also be willing to answer the questions. You must let yourself be known, flaws and all. And this can only come from Jesus. His gentle heart sees our worst and humbles us with His love. As you share your needy heart with Jesus, I know He will answer by giving you more of Himself, but sometimes He will come to you through the imperfect church around you. He will show how deeply you belong, both in Him and with His family.